methadone, *House spoilers*

Pics of the day: House nearly dying from taking methadone. Oh, and knee-to-knee with Cuddy too by the way.
I've been hoping for it, but I never thought I'd see the day when House was clean shaven and wearing a tie with clothes that fit him. Yowza.

Lindsey and Stevie

Picture of the day: Lindsey Buckingham and Stevie Nicks back in the good old days of cocaine and misery.

Video of the day, from the healed-up but bittersweet years

failed experiment

Which hair color is better?  I strongly believe the first is better.  The second was, in my opinion, a failed hair color experiment.

Word of the day:  bonhomie

Matthew's question answered

Matthew asks, "Do you think that reality TV is the equivalent to God watching over us? Do you think he and his angels sit back and laugh at us, like we do when watching American Idol and other crappy show?" Yes. For the sake of argument, I will assume that you are polytheistic and thus are asking about the gods plural. Like the Greek and Roman gods, you know? Check out this statement by Shakespeare in King Lear:

As flies to wanton boys, are we to the gods;
They kill us for their sport

We like to fancy ourselves gods when we sport with the lives of the American Idol contestants by voting them out or granting them clemency for just one more week. We like the idea that we are wrecking them all but one in the end.

Julie's question answered

Julie asks, "Why does exercising have to suck so much when it's so good for you?" I agree with you that it sucks. I refer you to my previous post called Pain Practice. Very few things that are good for you don't suck. Exercising sucks because of two things: it is an instructive metaphor for life, and most of us no longer work on farms.

Exercise reminds us that the difficulty of life is necessary. Exercise, as well as life, has to break us down in order to build us up. Here is a scripture that illustrates this concept.

And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and
the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the
billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if
the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way;
and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide
after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience,
and shall be for thy good. --Doctrine and Covenants 122:7

So feel the pain, girl, feel the pain. The suckier it is, the better for you, both in life and in exercise. [Unless you injure yourself, but I won't discuss that because that is where my lovely metaphor breaks down.]

Back when we used to work on farms, was there even such a thing as "exercise"? Baking bread, washing our clothes in streams, plowing, slopping the pigs, pitching hay were plenty of exercise. I don't think we must have paid much attention to how much it sucked, because it was just a regular part of our lives, and the time went by quickly because the activity had a real-life purpose: useful accomplishment. Now that we are used to couch-potatoeing and computer-gawking as a way of life, exercise is out of the ordinary and relatively unpleasant. And the only accomplishment we achieve with exercise is, well, getting exercise. There is no goal but to achieve sucky discomfort while trying to fool ourselves into thinking it is really really fun.

I hope this answers your question.

April's questions answered

April asks the following: "Do you ever feel like locking yourself in a padded room, taking all your clothes off and just running from one end to the other bouncing off the walls and yelling at the top of your lungs?" I can honestly say no, that I have never felt this way, but now that you mention it...

"I feel like doing this often am I crazy." No the proper word is insane. It is less offensive to us.

"Well we know I'm crazy but does this make me crazier?" It is all a part of one lovely package that makes up you, little sister.

She also asks, "What is the one thing you haven't done in your life that you still want to do?" I want to redecorate my house just how I want it. I would like to make a garden. I would like to try LSD. I would like to run a marathon. I would like to see the English countryside. And I haven't died yet; I'd like to try that someday too.

Lindy's questions answered

Lindy asks the following: "What happens when an unstoppable moving object hits an unmovable object? I'm sure you could sit and think about that one for hours. And how do they really make peanut butter?"

As for the unstoppable moving object hitting an unmovable object, I don't know why everyone can't figure this one out. It is simple. The result is The Big Bang. Out of that single action is born an entire world and all of the creatures and plants in it, with built-in instructions on how to reproduce themselves. Oh, and they all exist more or less in harmony with each other. And you thought it took God to create such a marvel.

Lindy you're a goose, cuz I know you have long known how peanut butter is made: they overfeed a bunch of peanuts and put them in a jar. Close the lid and let them digest. Voila, peanut butter.

Carolyn's question answered

Carolyn's question is herein answered. She says, "Is there another word for synonym?" My answer comes in the form of a question: "Is there another word for smart-alec?"

[There are two synonyms for synonym: equivalent and metonym]

Eva's #2 question

Ok I will start with Eva's question first: "Why does my body always have to go #2 when I am at work instead of the privacy of my own bathroom at home?????"

First I will say that you should be happy that you are regular. The reason why people go poo every day at the same time is that they drink enough water, are reasonably active, they get enough fiber, and they have no health problems that cause them to do otherwise. Good for you.

Putting that aside though, I can see your dilemma. Some people are very offended when you "go" at work; they think it might even be unhealthy for your coworkers. See here for an example. One wants to be comfortable when undertaking the act, and this is difficult when it might offend others.

Solving your issue is difficult. You must ask yourself how urgently you wish to change your body's habits. If you really don't care all that much, then my advice is to have at it at work and be done with it. I suggest you wait until the need is quite upon you, then the act will take no time at all and will have a smaller risk of offending others. Go to a toilet that is as remote as possible from your own office space. Please do NOT make noises as much as is possible. Take advantage of the two-flush method while poo-ing in public: one immediately after the act so as to clear the air as quickly as possible, then another after wiping.

By the way, here and here are some products that will assist you in both avoiding air contamination and in wiping properly.

On the other hand, if you are desperate to change your habits, there are a few things you can do. Bite the bullet and just wait until you get home. Hopefully this will eventually re-train your body.

Do you eat breakfast before you go to work? If not, you might consider doing so. The best time for a bowel movement is 20 - 40 minutes after a meal, since feeding stimulates bowel activity. Some people drink warm prune juice or fruit nectar as a stimulus to bowel movements. Schedule a 10-minute period to sit on the toilet at home after your meal. This will likely produce the desired result.

If you are very desperate, try drinking coffee very early in the morning. This will stimulate the bowels, and you may just be able to poo before work. I do not recommend this method.

I hope this helps.

ask me a question

I have decided that my next blog post(s) will be dedicated to answering all of my readers' questions. Do you have a dilemma? Need some advice? This is your chance. Please make a comment to this post, posing a question--any question-- for me, and I promise to answer it reasonably truthfully and usefully. Lurkers can be question-posers too.

post generator

Oh for crying out loud! I just opened mine eyes, and lo! I have not updated this since they let me out!... You would not believe that my hands were chopped off and I was waiting for bionic ones. But I'm sorry you'll just have to take my word for it.

I am flat out like a lizard drinking with keeping up with my favourite daytime soaps, rock crushing, just generally being the life of the party to society in general, my day seems to be a litany of stuff and giggles from when the nightclubs close to early afternoon. I am looking at rectifying this. I need some perspective.

I won't promise anything to you but I will blog about it when I find my way home. You have my word! I mean it!.

[I created this blog post on The Lazy Blogger's Post Generator.]

Dollhouse

• I'm so excited for the start of the new TV series Dollhouse tonight.  Its creator is Joss Whedon, whom I love.  He also created Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, and Firefly, three of the best TV shows ever.  Tune in.
• Quotation of the day: "Public transportation is for jerks and lesbians." --Homer Simpson

hope and other things

Here are Jerry, me, and Brett, an old friend from high school with whom we met up briefly while he was in DC.  Hi Brett.

• Quotation of the day: "Don't you hope this show is wrong?"  --Glenn Beck
  
• Baldness Report:  The spot has quit spreading.  It doesn't show when I do my hair just right.  I begin to be hopeful about life.

a baldness

Scripture of the day: "And it shall come to pass, that instead of sweet smell there shall be stink; and instead of a girdle a rent; instead of well set hair baldness; and instead of a stomacher a girding of sackcloth; and burning instead of beauty."  Isaiah 3: 24

Females take hair so much for granted.  I no longer do.  I have a 1"x2" bald spot on the side of my head near my face.  I took a picture of it, but the picture was too disturbing for words, so I will spare you my faithful readers.  The dermatologist said it will grow back, but who knows how big it will get before it stops spreading.  Stay tuned for further developments in what I anticipate to be the regular Baldness Report.

not dying

Quotation of the day: "An office is a place for not dying." --Michael Scott in The Office.  And here are Jack Black and Cloris Leachman in their guest starring roles on The Office.  This show just gets better and better.

Elder Oaks

Elder Dallin H. Oaks, an apostle of Jesus Christ, came to speak at church this weekend.  I got to shake his hand.  This is what I remember about what he said:

• It's interesting to see what Satan is attacking full force right now.  These are the things which he recognizes as most important.  For example: gender issues, marriage, and having children.  
• "If it is not worth doing, it is not worth doing well."  He said this in reference to Relief Society (church women's organization) women often working so hard at unnecessary parts of their callings , to the detriment of their families.  Too much magnifying of the calling.
• "We should have a year's supply of food and no debt, but instead some people have a year's supply of debt and no food."