Jennifer and the Snake

Here is my friend Jennifer. Here is a story she told me recently that I found compelling:

So, my wild nature moment for the week came when I attacked a black snake
with a baseball bat. It had swallowed 2 of our 3 ducklings and had the third in
its mouth. I pummeled it and it rattled just like a rattle snake. The duckling
in the mouth survived and is doing well. My dad showed up and hacked the snake's
head off with a machete. Then he whipped out his pocket knife and cut the other
two ducklings out of its stomach. We tried our best to resuscitate them, but no
luck. Never a dull moment around here.

look you Brits

Mood meter:
The above is me with the harsh taskmaster look on my face. Then I exercised in my office (lifted heavy boxes as weights) with the door closed. I do this quite often. Has anyone else done this? Now I look like this:

Here are a few of my favorite British to American translations. My British readers, do I have this right? Will you add some others please?

1. fag--cigarette
2. camp--homosexual
3. flannel--towel
4. knackered--tired
5. colour--color
6. advert--commercial
7. fringe--bangs
8. ta--thank you
9. bairns--kids
10. pants or knickers--underwear

Sports figure name of the day: Michael Olowokandi. Say it out loud. What fun.

Five Robot Lions

Today I stumbled across this analogy from examiner.com and found it funny:

A Long Island Iced Tea is like five robot lions

June 23, 5:11 PM · Sheldon Calbero - Seattle Cocktails Examiner

"It's a well known fact that when most things work together for a common cause, where the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. Take Voltron, for instance. Individually, each of the five robotic lions had the tenacity to defend a small village not unlike Leavenworth. Together, in their gestalt form, the mighty robot Voltron can generate a blazing sword capable of destroying even the most powerful space monster.

Trust me, this image is relevant.

Now, what does this have to do with cocktails, you ask? Well, a Long Island Iced Tea is just like Voltron: Made of five different liquors, the combination transforms itself into something that tastes just like iced tea. Because of its smooth drinkability, the potential for overindulging is quite strong. However, because of its refreshing nature, it's perfect for a summer barbecue.

As I stated earlier, the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. Despite the boggling mix of different spirits, a perfectly proportioned Long Island Iced Tea manages to unite these once mortal enemies. Once again, and this can't be stated enough, be responsible with these. This is a very strong cocktail."

This analogy must break down somewhere. I know because now I feel like I want to drink Voltron. Can Long Island Iced Tea generate a blazing sword capable of destruction too?

Fight Club

I saw Fight Club, edited for TV. Fascinating. You can't watch it just once. Anyone else see it?

These three quotations of the day come from Fight Club:

• Tyler Durden: "Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. * it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy * we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off. "

• Narrator: "You can swallow a pint of blood before you get sick."

• Tyler Durden: "The salt balance has to be just right, so the best fat for making soap comes from humans." Narrator: "Wait. What is this place?" Tyler Durden: "A liposuction clinic."

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

Look at this book I'm reading. This is what it says on the back:

Subtitle: The Classic Regency Romance-Now with Ultraviolent Zombie Mayhem! "It
is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must
be in want of more brains." So begins Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, an
expanded edition of the beloved Jane Austen novel featuring all-new scenes of
bone-crunching zombie mayhem. As our story opens, a mysterious plague has fallen
upon the quiet English village of Meryton—& the dead are returning to life!
Feisty heroine Elizabeth Bennet is determined to wipe out the zombie menace, but
she's soon distracted by the arrival of the haughty & arrogant Mr. Darcy.
What ensues is a delightful comedy of manners with plenty of civilized sparring
between the two young lovers—& even more violent sparring on the
blood-soaked battlefield as Elizabeth wages war against hordes of flesh-eating
undead. Can she vanquish the spawn of Satan? And overcome the social prejudices
of the class-conscious landed gentry? Complete with romance, heartbreak,
swordfights, cannibalism & thousands of rotting corpses, Pride and Prejudice
and Zombies transforms a masterpiece of world literature into something you'd
actually want to read.

So if you're male and you've never read Pride and Prejudice, shame on you. But here is your chance to read it without that fear you've been harboring of growing a vagina as a result.

Ibsen and tweets

Here are Christopher Eccleston (who played the Doctor on Doctor Who) and Gillian Anderson (who played somebody. I forget who ;) ) in A Doll's House, originally by Ibsen. This play is on in London, at the Donmar Warehouse. Whoever offers first will be allowed to take me to London to see it. Immediately.

I have had tweets from two famous people.

1. Jack Diamond from Mix 107.3's Jack Diamond morning show. Me: "Love your show babe." Jack: "Love YOUR show, babe!! : ) Have a great weekend. Best, Jack"
2. Hart Hanson, creator of Bones the TV show. I found out Cyndi Lauper will be in the season opener episode of Bones. Me: "I assume Cyndi Lauper will be playing herself. Will Emily sing with her?" Hart: "Cyndi Lauper is not in fact playing herself. She's playing a character currently named Avalon Harmonia. She can act!"

Sports figure name of the day: Hasheem Thabeet

flax seed

A short ode to flax seed. Short so as to not seem pedantic.

Someone a long time ago sent me an article about the benefits of flax seed ("you can even put it on ice cream!"), and I laughed, thinking it was a joke. Let me tell you though, flax is no laughing matter. It's really good for you.